


Lie to me

by capn_cecil_ang



Category: Torchwood
Genre: Comfort, Drabble, Emotional Hurt, Gen, Hurt, love-triangle
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-12
Updated: 2014-08-12
Packaged: 2018-02-12 20:45:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2124135
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/capn_cecil_ang/pseuds/capn_cecil_ang
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ianto discovers what his true feelings towards Jack are only to realise they couldn't be reciprocated ... until it is too late.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lie to me

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry. I have terrible mood and I was just watching Something Borrowed yesterday and this morning I've remembered the ending of "Meat" and I am just really pissed off with Jack right now.

Ianto retreated himself down to the archives as soon as Gwen left. It was his trusty hiding place. Every time he felt like it was all too much, or every time he tried to avoid something or someone, he hid himself in the archives. It was perfect excuse, because there was always something to do in there and no-one ever went down there. Not even Jack. He wasn’t at all interested in the things which were hiding in there – unlike Ianto. Archives weren’t just his hiding place. They were his special place. He could immerse himself in old stories and alien technology and he could forget about stuff happening up there – even if only for a while. But this time someone chose to follow him down. This time someone chose not to let it be.

“Are you alright, Ianto?” he can hear a familiar voice behind him, but he doesn’t make an effort to turn around.

He sighs heavily and asks, almost too quietly to hear: “How are you doing it, Tosh? How are you managing to get along with Owen?”

“I’m... not sure what are you referring to,” Toshiko says unsurely.

Ianto turns to face her, pain written in his eyes. “How are you managing to get along with a person you love, when you know he doesn’t love you back?”

“Ianto,” Toshiko breaths out, extending a comforting hand. But Ianto ducks away, turning around once more and digging himself in the papers he was looking at before Toshiko came in.

“How long?” Toshiko decides to ask, softly.

“I don’t know. I realised it few weeks ago.”

“And you’re sure?”

“Yes, Tosh. I’m sure. I’ve been always somehow attracted to him, I’ve always admired him. How couldn’t I, huh? Such a fearless, strong man as Jack is,” Ianto huffs out a laugh, trying to hide his tears. “But he will never love me. He can’t.... because.... because he loves Gwen, Tosh. He always did. I was just...” he swallows hard, “ _I am_ just his free-time shag.”

There is a moment of silence when neither of them knows what to say. Then Ianto abruptly wipes away his tears with sleeve of his suit jacket and turns back to face Toshiko. “You know,” he says, “I’ve tried to lie to myself. I’ve tried to tell myself he cares about me, that I am important to him. But I’m not. I can see that now. If Gwen would dump Rhys and she would say yes to Jack, he wouldn’t think twice before dumping me.”

“Ianto you know that’s not...” Toshiko wants to say, but Ianto interrupts her.

“And you know what the worst part is?” he laughs bitterly, “That I just don’t care. I don’t care if he dumps me when some-one better will come around... I don’t care if he does because you know what, Tosh? I love him so much I just want to be with him, only if for this brief moment, only if just like this. And I don’t care he doesn’t love me back. I don’t care it’s all just a lie. If I can be happy like this, than please, lie to me.”

“Oh Ianto,” Toshiko can’t help herself anymore and makes few steps forward to tightly hug her friend. “He cares about you. Don’t you dare to say he doesn’t. I can see that, even Owen, as snarky as he is, can see that he does. So don’t tell me you don’t see it, Ianto. He just doesn’t know what he is missing yet. But he will find out, don’t worry.”

Ianto makes another painful laugh and Toshiko leans back a bit, studying his eyes.

“You’re right, Tosh. He will find out, but it will be too late.”

“Don’t you talk like this, Ianto.”

“It’s true, Tosh. Sometimes we talk about our pasts. And he talks about people he lost. Or sometimes I see him going through those old photos of people he knew, people he loved, you know, the ones when he looks at he is all nostalgic and sad and all manly pain.”

“Yeah, I know what you mean, Ianto,” she smiles slightly.

“Well and...” Ianto smiles too, though much more sadly, “I see that love clouded by pain in his eyes.” Ianto says, falling silent for a while. “But I never see that when he looks at me, Tosh. And I know you are right. He will find out what he’s missing. But only when I will be just one of those old photos. Only then he will realise what he had in me. And it will be too late then to tell me he loves me.”

And Toshiko can’t bring herself to say anything, because deep down in her heart she knows it’s true. Love and Torchwood never went hand in hand. So she just hugs Ianto tightly again, giving him what comfort she can.


End file.
